Monday, March 20, 2006

4 horsemen of the apocalypse

The end is near. The end of what, I'm not sure. Hopefully this pregnancy. It's now 4 weeks at the outside (so I've been warned by my OB, who has an OR booked for me on the 17th).

Here are my signs, in no particular order:

1. I slept last night. Sure, I had the usual wake-ups due to baby bladder and Miss M. And yes, I barely slept Saturday night. Nevertheless--when Miss M cried out at 1:15 and 3:15 and 4:15, I wasn't already awake!

2. My shape now approximates either Hitch or Fudgie. When I was pregnant with Miss M, Taxman frequently told me I looked like a "miracle in progress." (Awww.) Now he's openly guffawing at my size.

3. I caught a glimpse of a package of cotton candy in the Passover aisle at the grocery store yesterday. In big letters, it said REAL Cotton Candy. In much smaller letters above that, it said "artificially flavored." I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around these opposing ideas. First of all, would you consider artificial flavors and food dyes real? (I guess they are real in the existential sense.) Or do they mean real cotton candy in the sense of it being authentic? What is authentic cotton candy, anyway? Is it the fluffy, air-spun sugar that you find at fairs and ballparks and the circus? If that is the real cotton candy, a dense wad of artificially flavored and colored sugar stuffed into a small package with a clown face doesn't seem to qualify as the true representation of cotton candy. Who decides these things? Why am I occupying brain space with this? Surely because I don't want to think about other things!

4. Today is the first day of spring. The weather seems to take issue with that, however, as it is going to be 40 and windy all week long. Is this Mother Nature being super nasty to the stay-at-home parents of toddlers? Is this revenge for the Bush Administration denying that global warming is as much of a threat as the science indicates, to the tune of having lawyers/petroleum lobbyists rewrite climate documents? I didn't have anything to do with that! I hate the Bush administration! New York is a blue state! C'mon, show some pity! I've got to get my kid to the park!

If anyone has any tips for getting the 2028 Olympic gold medalist in judo out of me as quickly as know where to find me.

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