Chemistry

You know how there are some people you just click with?

And some that you just don't?

Yesterday we were supposed to have a playdate with another mom-toddler-infant combo. We had met ages ago at a Shabbat meal, back before there were any kids in the picture; later, we were in the same playgroup for a short while before it fell apart last summer.

Anyway, the mom is someone with whom, hypothetically, I should have a lot in common. Our toddlers are a month apart and will be in school together in September. And now our second babies are also about a month apart. We're both stay-at-home-moms with husbands who work longish hours. We go to the same synagogue.

Nevertheless, I was apprehensive. We had a pretty knock-down-drag-out conversation while we were pregnant about the safety of VBACs. (She has delivered only vaginally.) She thought I was being irresponsible and endangering my baby; I thought she was completely misinformed and basing her opinion on hearsay, not facts. We don't seem to have really similar child-rearing philosophies, but I honestly don't know her well enough to say that definitively. Besides, I wanted to give her a chance. My freshman-year roommate and I did not get along at first--at all!--and we wound up being very close.

We walked to a playground about 10 minutes away. And ran out of things to discuss before we got there. (Once she seemed to get over the fact that no, we're not planning to get a double stroller, there just wasn't too much else to say.) Her daughter wanted to go on the swings, and Miss M wanted to go on the slide, so we drifted apart and weren't inclined to attempt to herd the kids into the same place. No chemistry.

By contrast, last week at the same playground I ran into a mom from the playgroup I take Miss M to now. We haven't had much of a chance to speak before--playgroup is usually kind of hectic--but we seemed to fall into a natural sort of patter. We walked out together. She confessed that she was gasp! still nursing her 21-month-old twice a day...when I told her what I was doing, she walked two blocks out of her way so we could continue talking.

It's funny, though, because I had the same kind of fizzle versus chemistry with the two playgroups. The one from last spring I came to late in the game, and I never clicked with the other moms. I constantly felt like I was totally frazzled compared to everyone else. I was the freaky one, still nursing my 9 month old (hahahaha). I never wore makeup, rarely had matching clothes, and didn't buy Miss M every electronic toy in existence. Those moms seriously messed with my head. The playgroup I'm in now is smaller and more relaxed and includes Miss M's closest little pal.

I guess this has been on my mind because I've been slowly filling out my BlogRoll. There are some bloggers that I love reading because they bring all sorts of things to my attention that I don't have the time to find myself; I like to feel vaguely in touch with the news. Most are amazing writers. But then there are some that I just know I would get along with in person. It's a conflation of shared personality traits, toddlers, and blogging conversations eerily similar to ones I have with my husband. So why the hell do you people live far away? Taxman is always after me to get out for an evening; how do I explain that the people I'd love to have coffee with live in Boston or Charlotte or Philadelphia or California or ______ ? Without sounding too pathetic/psychotic, I mean.

Sorry for the egocentricity. It's temporary, I promise.