Just please, please don't judge me!

I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me.

Honestly.

All I know is that I am hosting a playgroup (moms included) in a couple of hours, and I am nervous. This happens to me every time I do this, so I hate hosting.

After Miss M went down for her nap, I cleared the living room floor--and it's never clear unless it's dark outside--and vacuumed up the accumulated cracker/cereal crumbs. I reorganized the toy boxes this morning, which Miss M thought was great fun. I still have to line up the books nicely on the shelf.

All of which begs the question: WHY?

Do the toddlers care? I seriously doubt it.

Am I really worried about what these other moms think of me? For the record, one of them is a very good friend--she's seen my house in chaos and me in pajama pants, so it's not about her, clearly. But the others? What could possibly happen? Will Miss M be blackballed from the group because her mom keeps a sloppy living room and her parents don't buy her fancy toys or expensive electronic contraptions?

Maybe I am afraid I will be uncovered after all as the neighborhood parenting freak. (Oh wait, I'm still nursing, even though I am very pregnant, so I am the clear winner thus far.) We don't have any electronic toys because we find them obnoxious. Plus, I don't want to constantly be telling her that she can't play with things on Shabbat because they play music or light up. We already say no to a million things: "No, you can't crush your stacking boxes." "No hitting, please." "Please take your hand out of the trash." "No more cookies." We take a break from her beloved Signing Time videos and Laurie Berkner CDs on Shabbat by telling her (the shame!) that Alex, Leah, Rachel, and Laurie have gone on vacation. (Hey, at least someone gets a break!)

But I digress....

We have a ton of blocks, legos, stacking items, books, push toys, and shape sorters. Plus the Learning Tower (a steal at $135 + free shipping) so she can play in the sink now and eventually help with baking and cooking. She never complains! Which isn't to say that she doesn't play with the kitchens or little pianos at someone else's house, but it's certainly not enough for me to go out and buy things that won't fit into our apartment.

Why do I feel like I have to justify my Ema-ness?

I am entirely mystified. And vaguely appalled.

Update: It was entirely fine. The kids had fun because it doesn't take much to amuse them, and there was a lot of library playing going on, which was cool. I was actually able to chat more than usual--being in our house is at least relaxing in that I know Miss M's trouble spots so I don't have to be 110% attentive. I've come to the conclusion that this playgroup (our second in Miss M's young life) is a better fit for me than the first. So hopefully next time I won't have a nervous breakdown before we host it.